I left Mass on Sunday after the homily. I quietly excused
myself from the back (cause that’s where all the good Catholics sit) because my anger was so great I couldn’t sit still. If you were
raised by a super Catholic family like me (i.e sinning=hell + lots of things are a sins) leaving Mass
before the priest walks out and the final song is done is a huge no
no.
myself from the back (cause that’s where all the good Catholics sit) because my anger was so great I couldn’t sit still. If you were
raised by a super Catholic family like me (i.e sinning=hell + lots of things are a sins) leaving Mass
before the priest walks out and the final song is done is a huge no
no.
A little backstory: I am struggling really bad right now. It
is not easy to teach a class on the Sacraments and maintain your passion for a
church that has really let so many people down recently. The Grand Jury’s
report on the sexual abuse in Pennsylvania and the recent news about the abuse of children in Catholic orphanages in The United States is a huge weight of sadness on my heart. This is not even easy to post, it’s
not like I’m leaving the church or am trying to talk trash but I cant make
sense of how these things happen and not only have to come up with answers for
myself, but for my students who feel that the church has lost all credibility on
issues of morality.
is not easy to teach a class on the Sacraments and maintain your passion for a
church that has really let so many people down recently. The Grand Jury’s
report on the sexual abuse in Pennsylvania and the recent news about the abuse of children in Catholic orphanages in The United States is a huge weight of sadness on my heart. This is not even easy to post, it’s
not like I’m leaving the church or am trying to talk trash but I cant make
sense of how these things happen and not only have to come up with answers for
myself, but for my students who feel that the church has lost all credibility on
issues of morality.
I went to church because I was aching for the priest to
stand up and say something like, “dang we messed up, we ruined lives, we need
structural change, there is nothing we can ever do to make up for this type
of damage but we have to try”. I wanted
a game plan and marching orders of what to do next. But that didn’t happen. Instead
I heard things like how “only” (that’s a direct quote) nine priests in our
diocese have ever been arrested for abuse and the church is not the only
organization that deals with sexual misconduct.
stand up and say something like, “dang we messed up, we ruined lives, we need
structural change, there is nothing we can ever do to make up for this type
of damage but we have to try”. I wanted
a game plan and marching orders of what to do next. But that didn’t happen. Instead
I heard things like how “only” (that’s a direct quote) nine priests in our
diocese have ever been arrested for abuse and the church is not the only
organization that deals with sexual misconduct.
While these things are true they fail to capture the magnitude
of the cover up of these “few” (please note the sarcasm) priests and the fact
that so many victims will never have anything close to justice in this life. Do
other organizations have issues?? Sure. But Jerry Sandusky & Harvey
Weinstein don’t claim to be the moral teaching authority for 1.2 billion people on earth. Priests are the gatekeepers for the Sacraments, they literally act
in the person of Christ, and at times, have left so many Catholics feeling
less than (i.e. divorced Catholics, the LGBTQ+ community, etc). So, do I think
this is comparable to any other scandal? Absolutely not and I was real mad that
the message was not stronger. You can’t fix something that is not fully acknowledged and brought into the light.
of the cover up of these “few” (please note the sarcasm) priests and the fact
that so many victims will never have anything close to justice in this life. Do
other organizations have issues?? Sure. But Jerry Sandusky & Harvey
Weinstein don’t claim to be the moral teaching authority for 1.2 billion people on earth. Priests are the gatekeepers for the Sacraments, they literally act
in the person of Christ, and at times, have left so many Catholics feeling
less than (i.e. divorced Catholics, the LGBTQ+ community, etc). So, do I think
this is comparable to any other scandal? Absolutely not and I was real mad that
the message was not stronger. You can’t fix something that is not fully acknowledged and brought into the light.
When I made it out into the foyer I was alone except for
another woman pacing. I recognized her – she was the mom of a recent alumna who
like me was really upset. Her daughter had finally come back to the church
after Kairos and was now unwilling to go to Mass. We talked and shared feelings
until Mass was practically over. She reminded me that we, the laity, are the
church. Like the sisters of St. Joseph who rolled up their sleeves and did the
dirty work that the hierarchy didn’t want to do, the work of manifesting
Christ’s love to a broken world is ours. The truth and beauty of our faith
doesn’t become untrue because of the failings of others, but it HAS to be
addressed. While I missed the Eucharist (another
big Catholic no no – I was on a roll) I encountered Christ through this woman who restored my
faith in a way that sitting there upset mumbling prayer responses mindlessly never
would have.
another woman pacing. I recognized her – she was the mom of a recent alumna who
like me was really upset. Her daughter had finally come back to the church
after Kairos and was now unwilling to go to Mass. We talked and shared feelings
until Mass was practically over. She reminded me that we, the laity, are the
church. Like the sisters of St. Joseph who rolled up their sleeves and did the
dirty work that the hierarchy didn’t want to do, the work of manifesting
Christ’s love to a broken world is ours. The truth and beauty of our faith
doesn’t become untrue because of the failings of others, but it HAS to be
addressed. While I missed the Eucharist (another
big Catholic no no – I was on a roll) I encountered Christ through this woman who restored my
faith in a way that sitting there upset mumbling prayer responses mindlessly never
would have.
This is not the darkest moment in church history (cause:
indulgences, Vatican bank stuff, crusades, inquisitions, you know…) but it is
pretty dark. I hope that this is a time for purification for our church. I hope
it is a time for our students to have conversations and grapple with their faith
as messy as that can be. I hope they see themselves as part the Body of Christ
with gifts and perspectives that the rest of us need. I hope they know that I
believe that change in the church will come from their generation, not mine or
older generations. I hope that they can feel confident enough to speak out and
question the system when it is wrong. And
I hope that I can walk humbly with them in that. Teaching religion comes with so many little issues that teaching history does not, but what a gift to get to show up and do this as a job.
indulgences, Vatican bank stuff, crusades, inquisitions, you know…) but it is
pretty dark. I hope that this is a time for purification for our church. I hope
it is a time for our students to have conversations and grapple with their faith
as messy as that can be. I hope they see themselves as part the Body of Christ
with gifts and perspectives that the rest of us need. I hope they know that I
believe that change in the church will come from their generation, not mine or
older generations. I hope that they can feel confident enough to speak out and
question the system when it is wrong. And
I hope that I can walk humbly with them in that. Teaching religion comes with so many little issues that teaching history does not, but what a gift to get to show up and do this as a job.
Any words of advice (especially from any of you raising your kids Catholic) would be much appreciated.